Lately

I've been out of it as you can tell from the previous posts. Maybe it's just a phase... Actually it always is. Ill be fine. But atm I fkn hate it. Me ! I hate myself. Wtf have I become. It has returned to re-establish my life, colonies me without consent. 

I've become a slightly different person. It's weird cause I'm a guy. I think. Fk man there's much on my mind rn it's doing my head in. Maybe this is what it's like to really be lost ? No but I'm not ? I know I'm at home. I enjoy being at home. I love my mum; my sister and I get along surprisingly well, she's basically the only girl that gets me, well better than anyone I've met so far. I value out brother-sister relationship. It's actually quite fun to hang out with her. That probably why she's got so many friends, friends that are intellectually deep and personalities that seem to transcend their own. It's quite warming to be in their weird presence. And my dad ? Ever since my grandpa moved in.. It's been a bit weird in my house. Ok like deep deeeep down I wish he wasn't here. It would make my family a lot more united and I guess fluid in functionality. Grandpa has associated himself with, I guess adultery... Over his life and its sorta disgusting for his children to be around him. It's understandable to see the resentment and its pretty clear as well. Basically his got some bad qualities and as you know, old people, they're hard to change. 

I could go on but I don't think it's worthy for this time/day. Deserves another deeper and more focused approach. 

Yknow what ??? The texts I studied in tutor, I feel I can relate a lot to. Looked at an episode from the twilight zone "a stop called willoughby" (YouTube link to come) and a poem/visual text 

Ill comment on these later cause I believe they deserve mentioning. Might even say something or discover something about myself.